Infidelity in Marriage | Georgia

Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common issues presented in therapy, and it is also one of the deepest wounds a relationship can sustain. One of the greatest challenges in working toward healing is that, regardless of the motivation or circumstances behind the breach of commitment, the partner is often profoundly devastated. 

Many conscious and unconscious factors can contribute to situations in which infidelity occurs. Not all couples addressing these issues respond effectively to the same therapeutic approach. As a marriage and family therapist, Dr. Virginia Felder constantly reflects on her interventions in therapy and seeks to integrate insights from her colleagues. She considers her experiences with clients to be as instructive as the techniques and theories presented in textbooks and workshops. Dr. Felder believes there is no single approach that works universally for all couples. The following examples, with identifying details altered to protect privacy, illustrate her clinical experiences:

Case Studies

Eric’s Story

Early in her practice, Dr. Felder worked with a client named Eric for approximately three months. After attending a marital therapy workshop, she felt compelled to encourage Eric to interrupt an ongoing process. Eric had been balancing a fourteen-year marriage with a two-year affair with his secretary. Following the workshop’s framework, Dr. Felder suggested that Eric either disclose the affair to his wife or end it. Eric, who had been open and vulnerable in therapy, attended one more session to consider these options but did not return. Initially, Dr. Felder interpreted this as resistance to therapy; over time, she recognized it as part of Eric’s process.

Paul’s Experience

Paul sought therapy shortly after his divorce. He had initially worked with a counselor individually to address his affair. When Paul expressed ambivalence about ending the affair, his counselor advised him to disclose it to his wife. Trusting this guidance, he did so, which immediately led to divorce. Paul became bitter and depressed over the loss of his ten-year marriage and his three children. He recognized that his deepest frustration stemmed from following someone else’s judgment instead of trusting his own process and sense of timing. 

Juanita’s Journey

Juanita moved to Georgia and came to Dr. Felder seeking guidance after her fourth affair in a twenty-year marriage. She initially demanded that Dr. Felder tell her to end the affair. Dr. Felder maintained that the decision was Juanita’s alone. For months, Juanita resisted, insisting that as a therapist—and paying client—she should be directed on what to do. Through persistent work in therapy, Juanita eventually assumed full responsibility for her decisions and independently chose to end the affair. This marked a turning point in her ability to approach life more autonomously.

Elaine’s Path

Elaine initially contacted Dr. Felder under a pseudonym and with a fictitious phone number, reflecting her nervousness and secrecy. She had confessed an affair to her husband but minimized it, claiming it had occurred only once and had ended. Over time, Elaine became entangled in a web of lies with her counselor, husband, and lover. With no external pressure from Dr. Felder, Elaine eventually divorced her husband, ended her affair, and spent several years cultivating self-awareness. She later entered a more fulfilling relationship with a partner she intended to marry.

Reflections on Therapy

Therapists are influenced by unconscious motivations. Some feel successful if they have “saved the marriage,” while others feel heroic if they have helped a client “move on” from a partner. Dr. Felder has observed comments such as, “They should have divorced years ago,” or, “Once a partner is involved in an affair, the marriage cannot survive while it continues.” 

Every therapist—and every individual—carries biases, judgments, and values. Confidentiality and experience are vital, but the greatest gift a therapist can offer is guidance that empowers clients to listen to themselves. This self-guidance allows individuals to move beyond the limitations of past experiences and realize their full potential.